


mirror, mirror, on the wall

by cacodaemonia



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacodaemonia/pseuds/cacodaemonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yixing is second fairest of them all and Zitao is a jealous peach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mirror, mirror, on the wall

**Author's Note:**

> \- taoris and luxing and baekai if you turn your head 70° to the left and squint

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” Zitao raps on the glass to get the Mirror's attention. He was getting rather moody as of late. “Who’s the fairest of them all?”

“Me,” replies the Mirror. “Duh.”

Zitao makes a sad face at him.

The Mirror sighs.

“Fine, you then.”

“Great,” says Zitao, brightening immediately. He moves to cover the Mirror again with a faded red curtain. “Thanks. Bye, Mirror.”

“Wait! I asked you to c-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ll throw some other poor unfortunate soul in there to keep you company. How about Chanyeol. He can eat you alive or something.”

“No but-“

“Just kidding, I’ll give you someone nice. Jongdae will do, won’t he? His fashion sense is ridiculous. Maybe if he’s a mirror he’ll understand what I go through when I see his choice of clothing.”

“But that’s not-“

“Yes, okay. See you later, Mirror. Got a kingdom to rule, you know.”

“Hey I asked you to-“

Zitao throws the curtain back over the Mirror.

(“Call me Wu Fan,” he finishes quietly.)

 

“Luhan is the fairest of them all,” says the Mirror.

“Ugh,” says Zitao. “He’s too hard to get rid of, what with all the fairies. I’ll settle for second best.”

The Mirror inhales sharply.

“Yixing is the second fairest of them all,” says the Mirror.

Zitao makes a sad face.

“No, seriously.”

“Oh,” Zitao bemoans. “Oh no.”

 

"Minseok," Zitao says sweetly.

"No."

"But I'll make you clean the palace from basement level five to level fourteen. With your step-brothers following you every step of the way."

Minseok sighs sadly. "What is it?"

"I need you to dump Yixing's body in the woods." Minseok sighs again in hopes that Zitao will pick up on his distress at being made to actually do something. He doesn't.

 

Yixing is so intent on following the trail of Chocopies that when it finally ends, and he looks around, he has no idea where he actually is.

"Oh shit," he says, and then picks a random direction and starts walking.

 

Jongin prods at the lump in his bed tentatively. It moves and Baekhyun shrieks when a head pokes out.

"Whoops sorry," says Yixing. "Thought this place was abandoned, it looked that bad. No offence."

"This is a bachelor pad!" Jongin says defensively.

"Well can I stay here?"

 

Baekhyun narrows his eyes. "Can you cook?"

"-the fairest of them all?"

"Not you lol," replies the Mirror.

 

“What big, bulging eyes you have, grandmother!” Yixing says rather intelligently.

Zitao shoves the apple down Yixing’s throat.

 

“Oh, no,” says Baekhyun in dismay. “Yixing has gotten himself killed.”

Jongin snorts.

“Just step on him, he’ll start right back up.”

“Okay!” Baekhyun exclaims cheerfully. He doesn’t so much step as jump on Yixing’s stomach. Yixing’s body convulses in reply, before becoming limp again.

“It didn’t work.”

“Step on him again.”

Baekhyun adds some more force in his second attempt, and Yixing heaves up the apple, hitting him square on the forehead.

When Yixing’s fully conscious again, he takes in his surroundings.

“What happened to him?” he asks, jerking his thumb towards Baekhyun, who is passed out on the floor.

“Dunno," Jongin replies with a shrug.

“Oh,” says Yixing. “Okay.”

"Yixing today, Luhan broke out," the Mirror says in a bored voice.

 

"Skinny jeans!" the old woman proclaims. "Must-haves! For the season!"

Yixing recoils in fear at the excessive use of exclamation marks.

"Come hither! Put them on!"

"Um, no thanks?" Yixing tries tentatively, and attempts to shut the door in her face. Gently, of course, but he's rather wary of old women after his last experience.

"Don't be shy!" Comes a screech from behind the door, and then the old woman comes flying in and the door falls at his feet. Old women aren't really meant to be kicking down doors, but this is secretly Zitao, so it's alright.

Yixing is tackled and categorizes what follows as one of the most traumatizing experiences of his life.

 

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall," says Zitao. "Who is the fairest of them all excluding Luhan?"

"Before I answer," says the Mirror. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Sure, whatever," Zitao answers flippantly.

 

"We've already given up hope," Baekhyun says weakly from his post next to Yixing. "It's impossible."

"Aha!" exclaims Joonmyun, red curls shimmering in the sun. "But that's what they said about Excalibur, but I got that shit under my belt."

("That's what she said," Jongin snickers.)

He proceeds to attempt to wrestle the skinny jeans off of Yixing's legs, but to no avail.

"Bad luck," Baekhyun drones. "Next."

 

Luhan manages to tear Yixing's pants off in one smooth motion. They stare in shock.

"How?" Baekhyun croaks, while Jongin is still slack-jawed.

Luhan grins. "When one wants to get into another's pants, one simply needs the right technique."

"Gross," says Jongin. Baekhyun throws an apple at his head.

"You are such a virgin, shut up."

("Wow," says Yixing when he wakes from the too-tight-skinny-jeans-induced sleep. "Where are my pants?"

"In my kingdom," Luhan purrs, "Pants are not necessary. Especially with thighs like yours." )

 

"Wu Fan," says Zitao. The Mirror grins, and gives Zitao the shock of his life when he steps right out of the confines of the golden frame.

"Congratulations," he says with a smirk. "You just broke my curse. Guess who the new fairest of them all, including Luhan, is."

**Author's Note:**

> \- what if i could write crack  
> \- in my head there is minseok/kyungsoo heeheehee cinderella/kitchen master heehahee  
> \- luhan extends his invitation to baekhyun because baekthighs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTdsbuya-uI  
> \- sorry clearing wip pile


End file.
